Thursday, December 10, 2009

Giveaway Miracle Spectacular


Six years ago, my sister's husband Richard got tickets for all the brothers-in-law to see Lord of the Rings on Christmas day. It was the film's opening week and tickets were sold out, so he called the opportunity a "Christmas miracle."

This initiated a family trend of terribly misappropriating the phrase "Christmas miracle." Like the time my nephew flung his sister's underwear toward the tree, and it landed exactly where the star is supposed to go.

Yesterday at Kmart, I admit the phrase came to my mind again when I beheld a fresh shipment of these, just in time for the holiday:




It was at that moment that I decided to forgo the family Christmas cards this year in favor of a spectacular blog giveaway. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Clause. And yes, people who read House That Jack Built, you are one comment away from the opportunity to call one of these babies your own.

Before you get too hysterical, I should mention that they were all sold out of Leah's flesh-colored hedgehog (Kmart shoppers do tend to have impeccable taste). But I did manage to secure a lavender elephant,




a hot pink pony, which the packaging appropriately describes as "lifelike,"




and a blue dragon, also "lifelike"



On the back of the package are detailed instructions for use (so don't be intimidated), as well as the phrase "PATENT PENDING," just in case anyone gets the big idea of tapping into the market for latex animals that inflate to resemble human gall bladders.

To qualify, tell me one thing you want for Christmas (BESIDES these). I will pick three winners next Wednesday, 2 at random and 1 based on my favorite response.

Prizes will be shipped for delivery by Christmas. This of course is assuming I can convince postal authorities that I am not in violation of any federal law. ("Sir, I realize they are SO lifelike, but I promise these animals are just pretend!")

If all goes well, one of them - and feel free to indicate your preference - will be inhabiting your stocking on Christmas Eve, poised to delight everyone on Santa's nice list.

Also, they are just creepy enough to punish the ones who have been naughty.



19 comments:

Katie and Jeff said...

I'd like to say jewelry or a new car but no, I am asking for a mailbox. Right now we have a box nailed to a palm tree in the corner of our yard. When it rains the mail gets wet and every time we get a new mail man they have to come to my door to ask where it is then make some funny comment as they walk away!

Amy N said...

What do I want for Christmas? I want an engagement ring. My boyfriend is a Republican (and I am not) and if I don't get the ring I would like nothing more than to take that lavender elephant and inflict lots of pain on it. Don't let my bad intentions with the prize sway your pick in any way. :)

Lorie said...

Tonight has been the BEST NIGHT! The Office. Community. A DVRed Jim Gaffigan special and a blog post by Katie. My sides hurt!

Becky said...

Katie,
You are awesome! I remember your post on that um....creature. So funny. I want one! As for what I want for Christmas...hmmm as lame as it sounds, some new socks. Oh and maybe some new pants..ones that hug my new fit bum. :D

D'Lonna said...

As a child, I did want a pony, so it would only seem logical that I choose the pink pony (pink being my favorite color).
I am asking for new running shoes. Having my children blow up the pink pony would scare me into running a bit faster, so I am pretty sure I need to win.

Rileigh said...

I want Jack to get a job at Impaq, and a holga camera so that I can take artistic pictures of you guys when you are living next door in Maryland :)

Jane said...

All I want for Christmas is to see Leah, Jolie, and Cal in their Christmas jammies and morning faces as they see what Santa Brought them. It will be a Christmas miracle indeed.

James and Patrice said...

First, I'd like to admit that your special effects on the hedgehog are fantastic. It took me 5 seconds of looking at his beard and wondering why they would include that to realize that it wasn't actually part of the toy. I think the hat actually gave it away and don't worry, I do feel like an idiot. On that note, I want the new Leona Lewis CD because I love music and I especially love making CD for your children.

Amy Eagleston said...

A true Christmas miracle indeed! I want jewelry or someone to pay off my credit card debit. Either way...Santa's choice!

krissiecook said...

My request to Santa is simple: I want my husband to find a job that pays enough that we can buy a washer and a dryer. 'Nuff said.

Flem said...

I want the Erbs to always live in the same town as us.

And I don't actually want the giveaway because I saw Leah's favorite and it kind of creeps me out so if I do win, give mine to your middle child.

Courtney Vance said...

You already know what I want for Christmas but the second best thing would be the joy on Dan's face when he finds one of those in his stocking Christmas morning

Julie Knowlton said...

Do you want to know what comes to my mind when I see that hedgehog? Do you? A picture Maryann drew me years ago of the dead cat that you, Maryann and Jane saw on the side of the road that had its eyes squished out of its sockets that were attached to long tubes. Do you remember this? Or was Maryann just trying to give me nightmares?

Either way, for Christmas I want Izzy LaFontaine from Spandau Ballet on my doorstep for a private concert.

Leslie said...

I laughed out loud about 16 times as I read this post. I need some new winter clothes for Christmas since I've spent 2 of the last 3 winters in maternity wear. I think it's about time my wardrobe got an update. But I'd happily accept a life-like blue dragon too.

Jeannie said...

For Christmas, I'd love a DSLR. Not gonna happen but a girl can dream.

How I love our KMart and its FANTASTIC and useful selections. Sure, they don't have child safety locks for the cleaning cabinet like I've tried to purchase the last 4 times I've gone, but what does that matter when they carry these little beauties? Right next to the Snuggies, I bet.

P.S. I'm not sure how heavily I want to compete in this contest since the thought of one of them actually residing in my home makes me a little fearful. Though I'm sure Maddie would love to chew on those gall bladder look-a-likes...

me said...

i would like a subway store to call my very own. and when i say "my" i mean phil's very own, so that he can run it and bring home the money. that's all.

do you think those "life like" animals would be good chew toys for my shitzu? just checking cus i don't want him to choke or anything.....

Allen and Amy Waples said...

Hmmm...Well, as exciting as it may sound I want a skillet (I am tired of making 4 grilled cheese sandwiches one-by-one)...Ok, fine and maybe a labeller, too. Doesn't that sound fun!

Now I can't help but wonder what my kids would do with a life-like elephant!

adwords said...

I keep laughing!! My Christmas wish is already here! Shopping is done, all organized now it's nothing but music filling the house and Christmas movies...and baking with the kids.

Chris and Erin said...

I want my baby to be out of me for Christmas... But if I can't have that, then I would like some new pajamas for Chrismas. Warm, cozy ones that are really soft!

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