Monday, March 21, 2011

Plastic Eggs & Deadly Plagues


The kids and I went grocery shopping at Safeway this morning and when we were finished, decided to browse through the Easter display.

I was sifting through the shelves - and half ignoring their desperate requests for jelly beans, stuffed chicks and chocolate bunnies - when Cal hands me this.





I beg your pardon?

I read the label again, confirming that yes, that there was a bag of PLAGUES. Who knew? The calamities suffered by the Egyptians? The disease, the darkness, the locusts…Turns out those weren’t just the wrath of God unleashed on Pharaoh. Those are toys you can put in your child’s Easter basket.

And I for one could not resist. I had just told the kids we didn’t have enough money for popsicles, then I turned around and tossed a bag of plagues into the cart.

The fun started at the register. Perhaps I’m easily amused, but I loved seeing “bag of plagues” on my grocery receipt, right between “Tostitos” and “parmesan cheese.”





Now let’s take a look inside -

First, we find the usual items one would expect in a child’s bag of plagues. Blood, lice, locusts, wild beasts…





Then of course there are boils. How creepy are the boils?





Creepy, but thank goodness for them. Most kids today have never even heard of boils, and I think it's high time they learned. Boil Handz could be the next Silly Bandz.

The cow is cute, but don’t be fooled.




He is diseased.





The frog? Not diseased. Leah loved the frog.






Until I told her to imagine millions of him, overflowing the neighbor’s pool, filling up the streets, spilling through our windows and into her bedroom….





Fun's over.

Here is Cal, plagued by darkness...




The bag also contains a puzzle,






Which will go in Jolie’s basket, obviously.






Jolie might be disturbed at first, but of course I can reassure her with the story of people slaying innocent lambs, slathering their blood above the door, and then listening to the deafening wail of Egyptians whose firstborns had been killed. Sweet dreams, darling.

And that, as we know, is the final plague. The label promises that all 10 are “Fun & Educational,” and I would have to agree. I think another selling point are the kinds of arguments these toys are likely to prompt among siblings (“Quit touching my boils!” “Take my lice out of your mouth!!” “Where’d you hide the blood??” etc.). With a little luck, these kinds of exchanges will occur in public.

But I'll let you be the judge, because I've decided to make this post a giveaway. We've had our fun and besides, plagues are meant to be spread around. Leave a comment at your own risk, because like it or not I'll be randomly selecting one of you to receive all 10 plagues in your mailbox next week. I'll even throw in a bag of my favorite Easter candy, just to make them easier to endure.

50 comments:

Lorie said...

I am immediately going to my local Randall's (Safeway here) and complaining that we don't have the high quality Easter toys that you get back East.

PS - That picture of Leah is PRICELESS!

just me said...

oh my kids would LOVE that!! i'm headed to safeway tomorrow to see if i can find plagues ... if not, i hope i win your plagues!!

~jannet (stapley) mcvey

dannyhaley said...

I love this post! I am laughing so hard! I want these for my kids Easter basket's. I love Leah's reaction to the frogs. Your kids are too cute.

Jimmer B said...

Hi aunt Katie. Winning is this is like BYU making it to the final four. This is Jimmer!

Julia B said...

Hello Aunt Katie, I saw the thing you posted on the internet. I thought I should enter the contest. Love, Julia

Allison Hansen said...

Gimme the plagues! We want plagues!

Aileen said...

All I can say is.....this post is WAY TOO MUCH FUN

Amy Eagleston said...

Forget my kids...A bag of plagues is just what I need to complete Paul's basket (okay it will be the only thing in his basket and he doesn't actually have a basket...but perfect none the less). Loved this post!

Susan said...

Please disqualify me from winning the plagues-----I couldn't bear to deprive a little child.

Daneille said...

Oh, Katie! I'm so glad that laughing burns calories and that I have you to make me laugh so much and so hard. I forgot all about the death of the first-born until I read the part about Jolie. Is it terrible that I found that one the funniest of all? It's doubly incriminating when you consider that her dad is MY first-born. And what must Moses be thinking right about now? On the other hand, did you realize that Moses is the first person in recorded history to have said, "Just kill me now!"? (Numbers 11:15) The Israelites drove him to it. In that case, I guess humanity's current lightmindedness about the plagues is the least of his worries.

Jeannie said...

Hey, we don't have these at our Vons (which is the same as Safeway, or so they claim!). Maybe I just haven't looked hard enough.

I'll only accept this giveaway if it includes the "lifelike" hedgehog inflatable punching ball you also had the good fortune to find.

Rileigh said...

never in my life I have I wanted anything so badly. Oh let it be me!

Memzy said...

::jumping up and down while raising hand. Pick me!!! Pick me!!

Jenny Walker said...

Okay, I'm game. Mostly because I have three boys who would think a bag of plagues is cool, but also because I can't believe they exist!

Jenae said...

Oh please oh please pick me! I desperately want the plagues! Pick me! This is the best way to try to catch the plagues- barely edging out using a public bathroom in IV.

jj

Jane said...

If only my kids could be so lucky to have these in their Easter Baskets! One of the funniest posts yet, you are such a talented writer!

Kristin said...

Um, how morbid is that puzzle?! Poor Jolie! Geez, Cal. Leah's got enough inheritance coming her way without your bag of plagues to give her the birthright as well! :)

Amanda said...

I don't qualify for the giveaway (You'd have to give your firstborn to USPS to ship it to Germany), but I have to say that you are the most awesome mom ever, Katie! Love, love, love it! :D

krissiecook said...

This post is too good to be true! First, the existence of such Easter magic. Then the before and after of Leah. Finally, the fact that you actually gave Jolie the "death to the firstborn" puzzle and she didn't call DCF.
But then you make this a give-away? Oh man. The world does not deserve the likes of you, Katie Erb.
We don't have Safeway or its equivalent here, but I'll be on the lookout nonetheless. I'm feeling pretty confident, Bible Belt and all. Keep in mind the most important part of my children's medical history seems to be whether or not I have accepted Jesus as my personal Savior (both the nurse and the doctor inquired).

Anonymous said...

Good stuff, Katie. First off, don't need the lice. Working in a public school, that plague hits at minimum 3 times per year. Frogs - the pool my neighbors turned into a smelly "cesspond" covers that I think. The MAD-COW, good thing Susan (full) and I (semi) have gone the vegetarian route. Boils...you don't even want to know. As for the rest, they just wouldn't be the same without the entire set, so send them to someone that's really deserving. I'll take the candy though!

Randy

Lyndsi said...

I can't stop laughing, katie! I've never wanted a plague, but I'll take ALL of your plagues anyday :-) My favorite part of your post is that you would forego the popsicles, and buy The Deadly Plagues....and boy am I glad you did! Thanks for the laugh - oh and I want the plagues (this has to be the craziest comment I've ever written)

senategirl said...

I KNEW this plague was a serious by the obvious pile of groceries in the background. It didn't even wait for you to put them away! This must be extremely contagious!

Becca said...

I was literally laughing loud enough for everyone in this house to hear. Thanks for producing one of the funniest posts I've ever read. Made my day. :)

Brandy said...

HAHAHAHA!! Oh man I really needed a good laugh :) Poor Leah, and Cal looks like a future FBI agent. I would have LOVED to see Jolie's face after putting together that puzzle.

Miss you guys :)

senategirl said...

P.S. If you shop at Wegman's the plague will not be coming home with you.

Emily said...

I am NOW excited to be moving to the east coast! As long as I have some fun and educational plagues in my house, I'm a happy woman.

Katie and Jeff said...

I don't think I've ever laughed harder! Leah's face is classic! Who thought of this as a childs gift? Love it!

Mom said...

Katie dear, you are a hoot! Promise me, PROMISE me, that you will write a book (in your spare time)someday. You must! (And in case my name shows up as "Mom", it's actually Estella. Miss you!

Lara said...

This is the coolest thing ever and since I know we shop at the same Safeway, I plan on picking me up my own plagues as soon as possible (if I don't catch yours of course). I sense a really awesome family home evening lesson with those plagues as visual aids.

By the way, you have a way of capturing humor in photos and words. The pictures (especially of your kids) add such a fun element of humor to the post. :)

Susan said...

I don't understand why no one seems to want your plagues. Send them to me and I shall smote a few enemies with them in grand style, I promise.

p.s. keep an eye on that Cal.

Kaity said...

I've missed your posts. You're hilarious. I want a bag of plagues. Obviously. Also, I love that Zeke made your sidebar. Too cute.

SouthernMama said...

That's hilarious! I love the look on your daughter's face at the thought of real frogs everywhere!

Jenny ESP said...

This whole thing somehow makes sense.

Leslie said...

Wow. Just, wow. Is a bag of plagues in your Easter basket the equivalent of a lump of coal in your Christmas stocking? If so, these could come in handy.

p.s. Leah's reaction to the frogs is completely amazing.

Breena said...

Would gift bags of plagues be appropriate Easter gifts for members of my adult Sunday School class?

Why go the easter bunny route when you could be the destroying angel instead?

Mary Karlee said...

So do you have a lot of Jewish neighbors? Can't you just imagine the board room where they were brainstorming that gem of a product? "Ok guys, we've got to come up with something fresh. Something nobody else is marketing this year." I think they did it.

Cathy Leavitt said...

I needed a good laugh today, and you never fail me. My husband and I were both hysterical as we were reading about the plagues. Sometimes when he laughs too hard, he ends up throwing up, and I was getting really nervous :).

Thomas said...

Amazing! Too funny.

Dad of the Year said...

So am I the only one disturbed that the plague of blood is represented by a mug of the stuff? This has got to be a ploy of the local Twilight fan club trying to make vampirism more mainstream.

Flem said...

Please do not use a random number generator, just pick your favorite friends so I can be sure to get one.

The best bit was the picture of the dead person at the bottom of the puzzle. Wow.

Katie I love that you prioritized your spending dollars for this special item, seriously.

Flem said...

PS Think of Meg with a broken widdle weg. She needs this set to be reminded of just how good she has it.

Brent said...

My mom told me to read this because it was "Sunday appropriate." Anyways, sounds like Safeway's has got their Jewish market figured out, or not. Thanks for sharing.

Briann said...

ok that is just too funny! I am a friend of Jane's and she sent me over here, cute blog!

Henich Family said...

Why did you and Jane have to take all the creativity? I guess I should have stood in that line for a little. Very cute post. I think Jimmer should win it. Just because he is Jimmer.

Dawn said...

I have been looking EVERYWHERE for these! It would make our FHE lesson complete! But I also think Bella is sure to start crying when she hears about the death of the firstborn. I just love your writing and photos :)

Jenny Coombs Bradford said...

Why does the blood come in what looks like a beer mug?! Please send to your favorite cousin, Katie. This would be something my firstborn would enjoy... or recoil from?

Marci Coombs said...

This post is priceless! Pick Me! PIck Me! I need some new scare tactics around our house. The old ones aren't cuttin it anymore.

Courtney Vance said...

I live in Eagle Mountain. We have our very own plagues for FREE, but I appreciate you giving it your best. Honestly, Kate you kill me. I don't know where you come up with these things.

Aunt Marilyn said...

I'm Power Pointing this for my Sunday School class.

Karen Adair McCain said...

I LOVE your sense of humor! You are hilarious! I would have bought them, too, even if I'd had to dig for change!

Humpty Dumpty

My dad passed away 16 years ago, but I still consider Father's Day an occasion to celebrate. I plan a favorite dinner and pick out ...