Friday, February 29, 2008

Angie Harmon Needs My Help

I was reading People Magazine this week (I am a loyal second-generation subscriber). In it, actress Angie Harmon was asked what she is doing to keep busy during the writer's strike. Angie has two girls about the same age as mine, so this seemed like an easy one. I was caught off guard by her answer. She said:

"I literally am trying like every moment to find something to do. My husband can't wait for this thing to be over. He's like, "Isn't there a movie in Saigon you can do?"

This didn't add up...A 2 and 4 year old, and you are literally trying every moment to find something to do? Wow, Angie needs my help! So, I offer a few suggestions, based on my own experience:

* When your girls are sick and miserable, make sure they are sick and miserable at the same time, like mine were this week. This is perhaps the quickest remedy to your excess of spare time.

* I suggest putting large bags of pretzels, tortilla chips, etc. on the lowest pantry shelf, without securing them shut, like I do. This will make it easy for your baby to empty entire contents onto the floor, and you can spend a good deal of time cleaning up the mess.

* Take your daughters to toddler yoga. My girls love toddler yoga. They get to stretch, appreciate the movement of their bodies, and chant far eastern phrases that make me slightly uncomfortable.
* Hair brush + Jordin Sparks "Tattoo" = Toddler Karaoke
* Your youngest should be old enough that by now, quite a bit of refereeing is necessary throughout the day. Take last week for example, when Leah found a toy hammer, snuck up behind Jolie, and hit her over the head with it. Things might have been fine, except Jolie took it personally.

* When you make dinner, put little aprons on your girls and let them stand on chairs and help. This will guarantee the process to take twice as long, and that you will make twice the mess. The same applies to folding laundry.

* If you have too much free time on your hands in the evening, it helps if your youngest likes to poop during her bath. This will kill a good 30 minutes easy, while you clean the tub, sterilize the toys, and calm down your older child, who was next to her when it happened.
Angie I hope this is helpful, although the writers strike did end last week. Maybe you could tuck the list away....It might come in handy when Women's Murder Club is cancelled.

A Brother Like No Other

(Written by my mother Susan Foutz, who would like to clarify that she actually has two brothers like no other ) If you lived in Arizona in t...